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Malcolm Muggeridge: From Communism to Christianity

September 22, 2017


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(Writer Malcolm Muggeridge, 1903-1990) 

Malcolm Muggeridge (1903-1990) was an English writer who could see the coming NWO in the rejection of Christianity. He realized the alternative to religion is not "freedom" but satanism, decadence and chaos.


"Muggeridge realized the extent to which liberalism was destroying European civilization. Liberalism consummated itself in totalitarianism-- it was in fact the precursor of totalitarianism."



by Fr. Mieczysław Piotrowski SChr
(abridged by henrymakow.com)


Malcolm Muggeridge was uncompromising in his quest for the truth-- both from a moral and intellectual point of view. Even as he fought against his own selfishness and unbridled passions, he engaged in an intellectual struggle in the pursuit of truth. 

Totally imbued with the ideas of socialism in the early thirties, he embraced communism. Upon arriving in Moscow in 1932 as a correspondent for the Manchester Guardian, he was convinced he had come to a land where for the first time in human history there was no exploitation, a country in which equality, justice, and happiness flourished.

He was very soon disabused of this fiction. He had placed his belief in a utopia. He discovered that everything in the USSR was built on violence and lies. "In the beginning was the Lie and the Lie was made news and dwelt among us, graceless and false," he wrote. 

Muggeridge came to the personal knowledge that communist ideology, when put into practice in the form of "real socialism," revealed her true barbaric face: an appalling horror of totalitarian enslavement and genocide. He witnessed the Great Famine in Ukraine, which killed tens of millions of people. The famine had been coldly planned and brutally executed by Stalin to punish the Ukrainian peasantry for their resistance to enforced collectivization.

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Meanwhile, the European elites continued to rhapsodize over the Soviet Union. A great many journalists, writers, and intellectuals, succumbing to political correctness and sheer opportunism, chose to deny the facts and wrote idyllic falsehoods about the situation in the communist "paradise." Muggeridge described this phenomenon of blindness, stupidity, and intellectual dishonesty (he characterized these as "a peculiar sin of the twentieth century") in his novel Winter in Moscow (1935), He was one of the few journalists who had the courage to tell the truth [and identify the Jewish character of Communism- hm]. He was the first to inform public opinion of the appalling crime of the Ukrainian famine. He dispatched his articles to the Manchester Guardian by concealing them in diplomatic pouches to prevent their seizure by communist agents...

Muggeridge felt a great longing to entrust his life, wholly and unconditionally, to Christ, who was all-powerful in His love and yet did not resort to means of coercion. He came to realize the catastrophic consequences of rejecting Christ and His teachings, for then man became unhinged and descended to levels lower than the beasts. Muggeridge felt a deep desire to become a Christian. 

He wrote: "For me the Christian religion is like a desperate love. I carry its image within me and gaze at it from time to time with wistful longing."

TERRORISM OF LIBERAL IDEOLOGY

Upon his return from Moscow, he realized the extent to which liberalism was destroying European civilization. Liberalism consummated itself in totalitarianism-- it was in fact the precursor of totalitarianism. He observed that the insidious lie of liberalism lay in its denial of the fact that "left to his own devices, man becomes cruel, lustful, slothful, and prone to evil. ..."

Muggeridge defended Christianity even though he was not yet a Christian. He insisted that Christianity's worst enemy was not Stalin or Hitler, but liberalism. He warned that for over a hundred years the civilization of death in the guise of liberalism had been undermining the foundations of Christian civilization, which defended the dignity of every human person, freedom of conscience, and the right to life from the moment of conception to that of natural death. The ideas of liberalism when put into practice stamped out the Christian ethic and every principle of conduct flowing from it, thus leading humanity to certain self-destruction.

In his autobiography Chronicles of Wasted Time, Muggeridge spoke of the destructive influence on European civilization of Freud and Marx's views: "Freud and Marx undermined the whole basis of Western European civilization as no avowedly insurrectionary movement ever has or could. By promoting the notion of determinism, in the one case in morals, in the other in history, thereby relieving individual men and women of all responsibility for their personal and collective behavior." 

Muggeridge stressed that not Charles Darwin, nor Karl Marx, nor yet Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, but rather Jesus Christ was the foundation of European civilization. Liberalism was a negation of everything revealed to man by Christ. When man rejected Christ, then the search for hope became hopelessness, the pursuit of happiness, ultimate despair, and the will to live--a death wish.

Muggeridge fought uncompromisingly against the "soft" terrorism of liberal ideology. In 1968, he resigned his position as rector of the University of Edinburgh. He resolutely opposed the demands of the students who called for the legalization of LSD on campus and the distribution of the contraceptive pill. 

In his resignation speech, he derided the students' demands. He compared the moral state of the times to that of the Roman Empire in its period of decadence. "How infinitely sad, how macabre," he said, "that the form of their rebellion should be a demand for drugs, for the most tenth-rate sort of self-indulgence ever known in history." "Dope and bed!--he added--the resort of any old slobbering debauchee anywhere in the world at any time."

---






Scruples, the game of moral dilemmas





You can find this article permanently at https://www.henrymakow.com/2017/09/malcolm-muggeridge.html
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Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at

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(((Liberals))) Have Disenfranchised Middle America

September 21, 2017

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Is it still capitalism when big corporations
don't want your business because of your
beliefs? 

Sounds more like communism to me.  

"The central bankers already have all the money in the world; 
they want totalitarian power now." 








by Henry Makow Ph.D.

The 2017 Emmy Award Presentation Sunday had the second lowest ratings on record no doubt because it was a deranged hatefest against Donald Trump.  What does it mean when enterprises that exist to make a profit happily alienate half of their potential customers? 

Obviously, they regard profit as secondary to imposing their political agenda on society, since they will marginalize anyone who does not get on board. In other words, the central bankers already have all the money in the world; they want totalitarian power now. 

In an article, "Guess What, Hollywood Doesn't Care if You Watch the Emmys," Jazz Shaw writes: "The people who organize these shows, the studio heads, most of the major stars and the real power brokers just don't care what you think if you're not living inside their bubble. As an outsider, you're part of "them." You know "them" right? They aren't sophisticated, woke, enlightened beings who are trying to work for positive, progressive change. They're hicks. The people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons. (If you didn't get that reference without Googling it you are beyond help here.)

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(Transsexual among female dancers dressed as vaginas in degenerate dance ritual. Stephen Colbert is a scoundrel.) 

All jokes aside, Hollywood sees no reason to change. They get up on that stage and make their speeches and tell the same five jokes about conservatives ad nauseam and they honestly believe that everyone agrees with them. Well... at least everyone who matters, anyway. In reality, they may only be talking to a handful of densely packed counties along the coasts and around the major cities, but that doesn't matter. Nobody else is worth talking to. They won't change because they see no reason to change, even if the ratings for these glitzy displays of mutual onanation and reciprocal applause drop lower than a CW rerun of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. The show must go on."   

The show is Communism. As I have said, the West has been possessed by a satanic cult, Cabalism which eschews reality and believes that thinking something makes it true. The Western elite inhabits this solipsism. The central bankers who control government, banks, education, and corporations are Cabalists. They created communism, state-sanctioned Satanism which includes its veils Liberalism and socialism. The hatred of Trump is very much how a satanic cult would react to an apostate or traitor. (How genuine this is, remains to be seen.) 

We are witnessing cult-like behavior where human dignity, reason, and respect are abandoned, and resisters are viciously smeared and even physically attacked. And what is their sin? Upholding love of country, race, religion (God) and family (gender.) Upholding their human identity. Don't fool yourself, Communism is about disparaging and destroying everything that is good in life.  Why? They want to rule. If they turn the world upside down, they will be on top.  

This de facto communism extends beyond the entertainment industry to the Fortune 500 companies that boycotted North Carolina just because the state didn't want to open their women's bathrooms to transgendered mutants.    Starbucks CEO (((Howard Schultz))) told shareholders to sell their shares if they didn't like his company's strong stand on same-sex marriage. Kelloggs and many other blue chips pulled their ads from Brietbart risking alienating its 19 million readers. In general, the corporate elite which is controlled by the central bankers 

Why are corporations taking controversial political stands at all? This is something that has never occurred before in my lifetime. The West has transformed into a de facto communist society where the old capitalist emphasis on profit takes second place to mind control and obedience. They have disenfranchised half the population in their minds. What comes after that? If the USSR is any guide, it is Gulags and mass murders if they take power again. This is why Conservatives need to arm. 

----








Scruples, the game of moral dilemmas





You can find this article permanently at https://www.henrymakow.com/2017/09/liberals-have-seceded.html
Articles >>

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at

Comments for "(((Liberals))) Have Disenfranchised Middle America "

William said (September 22, 2017):

You're spot on in highlighting the fact that the major corporations are more into social engineering today than they are in profit-making. Things in Canada are just as bad (if not worse), but it's less noticeable since most Canadians have been brainwashed into politically correct thinking, so they don't really put up much of a fuss anymore over this stuff.

We have a prime minister who is more concerned with "indigenous" issues, LGBT123ABCDEFG issues, refugee issues, and making Muslims feel more at home in Canada than Canadians than he is with the issues any sane politician should be working on. Do Canadians, on the whole, mind? Not at all. This clown is still riding high in the polls.

As for corporations, I used to work in the loony bin known as TD Canada Trust. Under Ed Clark, the bank bent over backwards (no pun intended) for homosexuals and other assorted perverts, who comprise less than three percent of the population, and didn't care if customers objected. See this: http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/td-bank-ceo-ed-clark-on-embracing-lgbt-issues-1.2688932. See also: https://beta.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/industry-news/marketing/canadas-banks-take-pride-in-message-of-lgbt-support/article19344921/?ref=http://www.theglobeandmail.com&

As you stated, we live under de facto communism. Governments, educational institutes, mass media, and corporations all bleat from the same manifesto. We're a defeated people, since not enough of us will band together to oppose this and there are too many useful idiots and outright traitors among us. This is why the few who still have thinking brains are afraid to speak above a whisper in opposition to any of this Marxism. Go against the party line and they'll make sure you don't work anymore and get publicly pilloried for it. There's a visceral, satanic hatred from the people who espouse these politically correct values and we've come to the point where I believe they will not relinquish their stranglehold on the power centres of society without a bloody battle. People need to wake up and stop swimming with the current.

MM said (September 21, 2017):

This a very good, but also a scary article Henry. It certainly portends big troubles down the road.

You hit the nail on the head by having said that capitalism no longer cares about profits. As I mentioned it
To you in an elaim I had sent a month ago, the NWO/Communist game is afoot, there is no more debating on that.
The real question is – what do we do? Your closing sentence in the article bodes no well, but could be the last resort of defense.
Otherwise, this Satanic communist/homosexual/anti-White agenda won’t stop.

Trump? I think we should give up on him. A war against NK, against Iran or Syria (again)…?? So much for fixing the dilapidating US infrastructure, mending the middle class people’s lives and creating jobs. A country with a $20 trillion debt, and still willing to wage wars?? Who gives a damn, and all of this is happening for EXACTLY the same reason you’ve just mentioned about Hollywood and its profits - money is of no importance any more, they print it out of the thin air anyway. It is the Jewish/Military Complex clan speaking through Trump’s mouth. They may not like him, but no change will come from this guy. He simply belongs to the system that is completely rotten and eaten away inside.

Below- Mohammed Ali's Defence of Race (scroll down)

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David Irving: 2 Million Jews Died in Gas Chambers

September 20, 2017



David Irving is not a "holocaust denier."
In a 2009 confession, he acknowledged that 
around two million Jews 
were gassed at four camps.
So why is he being persecuted? 









by Henry Makow Ph.D. 

David Irving has been vilified by Organized Jewry as a "holocaust denier" but his real crime has been to do original research. 

Someone said, "history is propaganda about the past" and, while affirming there were gassings, Irving has deviated from the Party Line. He questions how many Jews died at Auschwitz and whether exterminations were carried out under Hitler's orders. He claims Hitler always tried to mitigate or stop violence against Jews. 

In 2009, Irving made a two-hour autobiographical "Confession" (above)  which I highly recommend. He is a genius, the best Britain can produce in terms of character and courage. His speaking ability and grasp of information are phenomenal. This man should have been Prime Minister of England. He puts all the other doofuses, including the psychopath Winston Churchill, to shame. Organized Jewry owes David Irving an apology and millions in compensation. 

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In 2005 Irving was lured to Austria by a secret police agent posing as a student and jailed for 13 months. That's 400 days in solitary confinement, in a 6' x 6' cell, for doing nothing but seeking to learn the facts about the holocaust.  He deals with the holocaust starting at 1 hr. 35 min in the Confession. He found documents that confirm that the "Bug River" camps were indeed extermination camps, and that around two million Jews were gassed
at Treblinka, Sobibor, Belzec, as well as Majdanek. He says he is a "deviationist" among revisionists who claim no gassing took place. He says these exterminations, called Operation Reinhard, were economic in nature - looting rich Jews and then murdering them. Documents list the gold watches, coins, fountain pens etc accrued by this operation.  

As for Auschwitz, he quotes a source who says people unfit for work were gassed, but he tends to minimize the numbers. He cites a post-war Polish document that places the death total of all people at 300,000 . 


"According to Rees, in 1942, there were 2.7 million Jews murdered by the Nazis, including 1.6 million at the Operation Reinhard camps, but only 200,000 Jews were gassed at Auschwitz that year in two old converted farmhouses. Rees wrote that almost one-half of all the Jews that were killed at Auschwitz were Hungarian Jews who were gassed within a period of 10 weeks in 1944. Up until the Spring of 1944, it had been the three Operation Reinhard camps at Treblinka, Belzec and Sobibor, that were the main Nazi killing centers for the Jews, not Auschwitz."
  
Since Irving acknowledges that many more Jews also died by the bullet, it is hard to understand why he is considered a "holocaust denier." Even official historians like Raul Hilberg put the number killed at closer to five million. Irving suggests that the holocaust is big money for Organized Jewry and that is why they came down so hard on him. Of course, it's also used to give Jews special status as martyrs. 

HITLER

Irving's humanizing Hitler is another reason he has been ostracized. He quote Hitler as saying he wanted to postpone the resolution of the "Jewish Question" until after the war. 

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I don't know why Irving sued Deborah Lipstadt for defamation for calling him a holcaust denier. How did he ever expect to get justice? 

He says Lipstadt admitted in an interview they tried to "destabilize" him before the trial. Irving relates how on the day his 30-year-old daughter who suffered from incurable disease committed suicide, a rich Jew sent him an expensive reeve with an inscription "a merciful death" referencing the Nazi euthanasia program.  

Lipstadt's $15 million defense team was financed by Illuminati Jews like Steven Spielberg.  Irving stood alone. The verdict cleaned him out.  Yet when Hollywood recently made a movie about this trial, David, the lone hero who stood for truth against Goliath, is made out to be the villain. This is what organized Jewry is all about, inverting good and evil. (This is the true meaning of "revolution.")  

I am glad David Irving's confession is on tape and still on YouTube. People with character and courage are a dying breed in a dying culture. We need to listen to him speak and be inspired. 

Although I think Irving is naive about Hitler, generally he is one of the few historians we can trust. As he says, a hundred years from now, people will want to read his books, because he was jailed for writing them.  








Scruples, the game of moral dilemmas





You can find this article permanently at https://www.henrymakow.com/2017/09/David-Irving-Not-a-Holocaust-Denier .html
Articles >>

Henry Makow received his Ph.D. in English Literature from the University of Toronto in 1982. He welcomes your comments at

Comments for "David Irving: 2 Million Jews Died in Gas Chambers "

Pedro said (September 22, 2017):

great video of Irving, I must read/reread more of his books, though he doesnt seem to get it that Hitler was a British agent -which is why he was nice to Jews and British. - see MilesWMathis.com for his new one on Benito Mussolini, and his Jewish 30 yr girlfriend and him being a british agent too. not sure about Stalin at this stage, except he was also part Jewish and probably as Kaganovich, an actor in the 1911 sydney street riots, starring Churchill strutting around on silent film exactly like that businessman in the Beatles rooftop propaganda piece.

Mario said (September 21, 2017):

Is hard to believe in gas chamber. Why to kill with gas when you can kill by hungry ( great quantity of people, millions if neccesary) in 80 days or by thirst in just 8 days). Just avoid supply of water for 8 or 10 days. To made this in concentration camp is more easy that Stalin Kaganovich do in Ucrania with Ukranian population.

If it was an extermination plan why there are so many survivors??

Luis said (September 21, 2017):

Gas chambers did not exist. I got a quote at home of the guy who invented that lie. What existed were rooms where new prisionrers would be sprayed for typhus.
2 million? No chance; Red Cross International stated that not even three hundred thousand jews died, and none in gas chambers.

David C (2) said (September 20, 2017):

I should not have specifically stated it was "diesel" engines that were used, since they apparently used gas vans for the most part - that was erroneous, so thanks for correcting me. However, diesel fumes CAN kill, especially in the confined space of an enclosed room, (or truck/van) full of people. In some cases the Nazis apparently used refined carbon monoxide gas in larger gas chambers, which could have come from either type of engine. The use of Zyklon-B for murdering people is problematic though, as the gas chambers used in the USA to kill just one person at a time proved, and I've seen no convincing evidence cyanide gas was used to kill people. Zyklon-B was available though, so it was likely was used at least a few times, and possibly on a larger scale. Supposedly the Nazis demolished the real gas chambers with explosives, which makes sense. As someone with a Jewish mother, I've been researching the "Holocaust" and "Zionism" for many years, trying to understand what really happened. I've concluded that both sides are exaggerating, Holocaust deniers and Holocaust believers, because that's the tactic they use presently to get the two sides fighting with each other. The reason I stated "diesel engines" were used, was that I had just read this at a Holocaust website:

Belzec, Sobibor, and Treblinka

In 1942, systematic mass killing in stationary gas chambers (with carbon monoxide gas generated by diesel engines) began at Belzec, Sobibor, and Treblinka, all in Poland. As victims were "unloaded" from cattle cars, they were told that they had to be disinfected in "showers." The Nazi and Ukrainian guards sometimes shouted at and beat the victims, who were ordered to enter the "showers" with raised arms to allow as many people as possible to fit into the gas chambers. The tighter the gas chambers were packed, the faster the victims suffocated.

Kurt B said (September 20, 2017):

David C.’s contention that the Germans used “carbon monoxide from diesel engines” to kill people is untenable. Diesel exhaust is oxygen rich and would be terribly inefficient as a lethal agent.

Also, since there were no crematoria at any of the Operation Reinhard camps, disposal of the remains is problematic. The contemporary narrative is that the Germans first buried the corpses in massive pits then later dug them up and burned them. However, in the 1990’s an Australian team using ground penetrating radar examined several of the sites and found no evidence that the soil had been disrupted anywhere.

I can believe that the SS rounded up and shot many partisans toward the end of the war but to claim that there was a central plan of extermination fails to convince. 70 years after the end of the war there is no evidence of a plan, budget, disbursement records or blueprint of a homicidal gas chamber. We are supposed to believe it was all done with a wink and a wave.
I’ve read Irving and like his books although he seems too often contradict himself on the holocaust story.

David C said (September 19, 2017):


I'm aware that approximately 500,000 people were gassed by the National Socialist Workers Party, mostly derelicts, drug addicts, prostitutes, mentally ill, mentally retarded - all "useless eaters" to the Reich. Many of the condemned were not Jewish - the purpose was to "sanitize" the cities, by getting rid of the more decadent faction of society during Weimar Germany era. If indeed they did gas people at the 'labor' camps during the 1940's, they would have used carbon monoxide from diesel engines, like they did during the 1930's. That would explain the lack of gas chambers, because any garage or enclosed space can be a gas chamber for carbon monoxide. Cremating that many people would have been problematic, and then burying all those ashes - where is it all? I think they likely did gas people at the camps, especially those who were unfit for work, and had no other use to them - like they did previously. I doubt the high numbers of deaths though, because there wasn't that many Jews to start with, and there were so many left after the war it seems doubtful 2 million were gassed, but it's possible.

As for David Irving: I've read much of his work, and some videos. I always wonder why he was the only historian who had access to those archives, which would have been a virtual gold mine to historical researchers, so why was Irving the only "archivist" who had access to the records? I've never seen any other researcher have so much information about the Nazis from "original" sources. MI6 has specialized in forging "real" documents forever, so there is no guarantee the archives Irving was given access to were real. Irving seems to have a Nazi/Hitleri fetish, and supposedly likes to dress as a Nazi, but maybe that's just propaganda. His stint in prison might have been real, or it may have been done deliberately to give him credibility, as they did with Hitler, and others. David Irving seems like a good man and excellent researcher, but I wonder if he is real, or is he just another psyop, probably not even knowing that himself. The best-controlled opposition is the ones that don't know they are being controlled.

Your website is one of the first I read each day. I appreciate what you're doing: grateful thanks for your dedication, honesty, courage, and integrity, even though I don't always agree with everything you write.

James Wesley Howell Court date Sept 26 at 8.30 a.m. Anyone in LA willing to go?

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September 20, 2017

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James Wesley Howell Court date Sept 26 at 8.30 a.m. Anyone in LA willing to go?


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Kevin Boyle on Swedenborg and the Power of Prayer

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August 29, 2017

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(Emanuel Swedenborg, 1688-1772, Swedish theologian, scientist and playwright) 

Kevin Boyle on Swedenborg and the Power of Prayer 


Cabbalists do indeed channel the spirit of "God" but that their God is Lucifer.  
According to Swedenborg, there is no single "Devil" but rather individual spirits 
that can appear to the 'observer' or the afflicted as one.
Prayer of all kinds including the imagining of our own preferred futures is indispensable.





(henrymakow.com) 


Quote from your "The God of the Cabbalah" article: Cabalist Jewish central bankers - whose "religion" is to lie and deceive. They believe that perception is reality, thinking is believing, and saying so makes it true. They claim to channel God's will, and create a solipsism that reflects their insane megalomania and avarice. 

The problem is that there is a great deal of truth in this. As we desire and we imagine, we do create. Like Swedenborg believed and Christ taught, we channel spirit from the eternal realms ... from the heavenly angelic realms or the hellish (demonic, Satanic or Luciferian) ones. We do not know where our thoughts come from (I believe they are given to us according to our desires and predilections), nor our feelings, but we do know that we choose which thoughts and feelings we will act upon.

As many near-death experiencers have testified. We command the spiritual realms. If we sincerely and passionately demand the manifestation of a reality then the eternal realms are obliged to respond to our call.

As Christ Himself said,  "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

This is why (as 'The Protocols' demand) there is a war against God and a forbidding of Christ. Because if we believe, we pray and we learn how to pray and if our prayers are incantations to the heavens we will prevail because the spirits of Heaven are MUCH more powerful than the spirits of Hell.

Swedenborg reported that one angel can scatter a thousand demons. Many NDE witnesses have attested that demons flee from 'the Light'.

The other important factor in prayer is that mere desire, if vague and unfocused, is not enough. In the spiritual war assistance must be specifically requested. 

An example that might highlight this is that if we ever consciously decide to do a bad thing for the first time against our own inner resistance and then commit the act or say the word ... repetition of the offence is thereafter a painless procedure. In fact repetition of the error is often very difficult to stop. The behaviour (using bad language, for instance) becomes instinctive and uninhibited. It is as if the angels step aside and say, "OK then, it's your decision. Find out the hard way."

In order to stop such behaviour (which might then be described as habitual or addictive) we NEED spiritual assistance. We must pray and ask for help. If we do, it comes. Ask any recovered alcoholic how this stuff works. They will tell you.

Prayer of all kinds including the imagining of our own preferred futures is indispensable.


Old Age and Death

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August 25, 2017

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Old Age and Death

Dik Browne (1917-1989) the creator of the cartoon strip, Hagar the Horrible, is quoted in a recent Vanity Fair article by Cullen Murphy as saying something about getting old and dying which resonated with me. Here is the excerpt.  

I remember talking with Dik Browne one afternoon in 1979, about Fairfield County and how the Connecticut School was even then winding down. We were having lunch at his house in Wilton. His wife, Joan, was with us, and the television was on in the background. Joan suffered from emphysema and moved about the house on a motorized scooter, hooked up to a tank of oxygen. For some reason Dik wanted to change the channel, but every time he used the remote, wielding it clumsily with an arthritic arm, he also caused the seat on the scooter to rise. When Joan used her own controls to fix the seat, the channel would change. For several minutes the two of them engaged in electronic warfare.

When the fun was over, Dik came back to what we had been talking about. He was under no illusions--holding on to no cat. He said, "I feel right now the way I used to feel as a kid when the movie was over. The credits would start to roll. The lights would start to come up. And I would walk slowly backwards up the slanting aisle, watching the screen, just trying to make it last as long as I could."